Thursday, May 5, 2011

Why I Hate Mother's Day

For those of you who don't know me personally, saying "I hate Mother's Day" may seem like a bold statement. I don't want to get into all of the details, but in order to explain myself, I do need to explain a bit of my past. After all, I don't want any readers thinking I'm rude or insensitive.

Back on December 10th, 2005, I lost my mom to ovarian cancer. She and I were incredibly close. I told her absolutely everything. We fought, we laughed, we cried - I was a teenage girl, and my relationship with my mom was all over the place; but at the end of the day, she was one person I knew I could always count on. I never imagined losing her when I was only 18 years old. As she fought her battle, I made the assumption she would be okay. Losing her simply was not an option, but it certainly became a reality. More than five years may have passed since then, and I have come to terms with what happened, but that still doesn't mean I like Mother's Day.

Part of the problem is that I don't really know what to do with myself. I used to think working made it better when I worked at the movie theatre. But, then I would go to work and see them pass out flowers to mothers or see families come in to see movies, and I realized that didn't help. My mom's side of the family typically gets together every year, so I thought being around family would help. But, then I always felt awkward saying "Happy Mother's Day" to everyone, so I realized that didn't help, either. Staying home alone never works because then I just sit, think, and cry all day.

There is just something about Mother's Day that leaves me completely unsure of what to do, how to act, or where to go. I have a hard time saying "Happy Mother's Day" to anyone. I get cranky and overly sensitive the entire week leading up to Mother's Day. I miss my mom most of all when Mother's Day rolls around. It's hard knowing that she can't be here on the one day solely devoted to mothers.

This year, we have plans with my husband's family, as I now officially have a mother-in-law. I hope that I am able to keep busy enough to not worry about how to act or what to say, but I know it will be in the back of my mind. When dealing with loss, there will always be certain times of the year that a person struggles to deal with, and I am no different. If you're not sure how to cope with the loss of a loved one, online therapy may be an option for you. Please see this link for further information: https://www.betterhelp.com/.

I do hope that those of you who still have mothers to spend the day with are able to do just that - you never realize how lucky you are until someone so precious to you is gone. One of my biggest regrets is perhaps that I took the time I did have with my mom for granted. I never realized I would only have her in my life for such a short time. I didn't ask her the questions I should have. I worry I will forget certain memories, her laugh, or the sound of her voice. She wasn't there to see me graduate college, and she missed out on my wedding. But, before she passed away, she told me that no matter what, she will always be with me. And, in my heart, I know she is - even on Mother's Day.

For Mom. 3.13.62-12.10.05

4 comments:

  1. I feel exactly the same way as you do on Mothers Day. I lost my mum 2 years ago, and the pain leading up to Mother's Day is difficult to deal with. It an emotional roller coaster, where you just want to be left alone, but that just leaves you upset, angry, sad and constantly thinking. Will feel like you do tomorrow.

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  2. I have a very bad relationship with my mother, and I feel very miserable during mother's day, so I have a hard time understanding the type of relationship you had with yours!

    However I was proufoundly touched by your last lines...

    Happy sunday,

    Lo

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    1. Hello Angela: I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that experience so early in your life. Well, I know how you feel because that is one of those things that noone really understands until one goes through the same thing. I lost mine not to any illness but to a massive heart attack. I tell you there are days better than others. It doesn't matter how old you are, there are moments you feel so alone and can't help the tears and sorrow. There are other days that you will remember the good old times and try very hard to remember her face and voice. Regardless of what you do or don't do, that's an unreplaceable loss. You can only move forward. I assure you, for your comments I can only assume you are very strong, smart and life will smile at you from time to time. Just hang in there, you will remember her always but be sure the time you had with her, even if you it small, was very effective and fruitful because she raise someone as awesome as you. Good luck and have a happy life. You are good! Best regards, someone that loves to read more than to write. O!

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    2. I know how you feel. I lost my mom to suicide on March 3, 2007, when I was 23. Though it's been five years, Mother's Day never gets any easier. I really wish I had children, so Mother's Day could be a positive day for me. However, I am in a financial situation where I can barely take care of myself, let alone a child, thanks to this shit economy. I'm sorry for your loss, but it makes me feel better knowing other young people are going through this as well.

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